From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Drunk is not a location!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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