remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
