He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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