I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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