I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
