conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
