# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
