Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
