im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
