So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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