im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
