I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
