i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
