I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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