yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
