i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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