I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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