similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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