woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
