he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
