you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
last night I used snow as a chaser
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