Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
