just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
