I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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