Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
