Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
