I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
