two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
