Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
