I'm lost and stupid without you.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize