well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
