This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
