you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
