I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
