im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Vodka?
Forever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
