I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
