I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
