You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How's work?
Spinning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
