No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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