The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
