I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're too hungover to prance.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
