I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
