I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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