well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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