well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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