I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize