So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize