That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
