Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
