she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
