hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
