My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
