i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
