The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
