There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
