just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
