i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize