just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You are a genius and a whore.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
