I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
