I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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