1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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