my mouth tastes like poor choices
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
